MY NAME IS CARINE AND I AM A DISGUSTING LARD ASS

Yesterday I spent NINE HOURS in the car driving home from London after spending the weekend in Brighton with Carrie followed by a meeting in Enfield. Is there ever a day when there are no accidents on the M1/M6? Diversion followed by diversion followed by queue followed by queue followed by service station M&S 'dinner' followed by more than one can of Red Bull resulted in my getting home, finally, at 01:30.

Anyway...

Suffice to say, I was a little bit tired today after my Red Bull fuelled journey and subsequent fitful sleep. I was also hungry. Apparantly sitting on my arse for nine hours makes me very hungry the following day because today I have managed to consume:

a 250g packet of smoked salmon
three Rivita (oh, the irony)
half a lemon
50cl Evian
a cup cake
a cup of chamomile and lavendar tea
50 cl Evian
a whole baked camembert
half a salami
15 cherry tomatoes
half a large ciabatta
another cupcake
a cup of chamomile and lavendar tea
50cl Evian

I think I needed to see this in a list to fully appreciate how revolting I am. How long do you think it will be before they start selling home liposuction kits in Boots? Off for a run in the morning.